Hey, do you guys remember that crazy commercial from the 1970s where actor Robert Conrad is punching a speed bag? You can see his teeth because he is snarling so much as he is punching.
Out of nowhere he stops, puts a battery on his shoulder and says in a super aggressive way “I dare you to knock it off.” Then he proceeds to tell us about the battery and all its great qualities while still being aggressive. There is another abrupt cut and he says, “You know what? You can’t.” The only thing missing is his finger in our face.
Commercials in the ‘70s were crazy. It felt as though I was being assaulted by some nut selling batteries. It is like he owned the company making Everyready’s and if it meant threatening us to keep his battery business going, then by God he was going to do just that. Crazy man, just crazy.
Now I know you are probably thinking the cheese has slid off my cracker because why else would I be going on about Robert Conrad and an overly aggressive battery commercial? The reason is the house featured in this week’s column. To be more specific, this is about the owner of the house featured in this week’s column. This guy has nothing on Robert Conrad.
This three-bedroom, two-bath house is located at 211 Remington Drive, Midway Park, North Carolina and is listed for $215,000. It is for sale by owner. Boy howdy is it a for sale by owner. I will just let him do the talking.
“Don’t let your agents talk you into staying away from my house because it is a little more work for them or because THEY THINK I’m unreasonable…DO READ BOTH DESCRIPTIONS THOUGH!!!! AS IS SALE!!!$215,000 is NOT negotiable!!!!!!”
Yeah no kidding, there are two descriptions and they could qualify for a dissertation on the history of delusion, if you get what I mean and yeah, you better read them both.
“The house will need interior paint, carpet or flooring (carpet now mostly) and the roof is original, patched up and 23 years old but ALL are also still useable as is. IMO, This house is worth 250k PLUS (.47 acre of MOSTLY FLAT land and 2 car garage) with a 20k of a new roof, new paint and new carpeting or flooring (6-14-23).” Yeah, the roof. That is why he took two pictures of the garage so you could see that the roof does or does not need to be replaced.
Now I know you are ready for the interior pictures. Well, get used to disappointment.
“This is a FOR SALE BY OWNER HOME BUT YOU WILL NEED AN AGENT TO VIEW THIS PROPERTY. Sorry but I’m NOT INTERESTED IN LETTING UNQUALIFIED STRANGERS IN MY HOUSE OR ON MY PROPERTY ESPECIALY WITHOUT AN AGENT AND READ ALL DESCRIPTIONS COMPLETELY.“
Hey, I told you guys reading both descriptions was a hot-button issue here.
“I WILL ALSO NEED UP TO 30 DAYS AFTER CLOSING AND PAYMENT TO MOVE OUT but that IS negotiable. $215,000 is NOT negotiable and that COULD/WILL? go up again very soon!!!!!!!”
In case you thought he was joking, the sales price is now $220,000 as of June 21, 2023.
Something needs to be knocked off with this guy and I am not talking about any batteries, either. With that, I am off to find my happy place.
For more photos go here.
