Words Matter: This Missouri Home is More Like a Funhouse

Words matter. They can soften bad news or make mediocre news seem wonderful. Words are incredibly powerful. Take the description of the home featured in this week’s column. The listing agent encourages us to “Check out this artistic, creative, and museum-like historic home.”

My mind automatically thought we were going to see some incredible paintings or sculptures. Alas, the keywords I should have paid more attention to are “museum-like.”

The house looks absolutely lovely. I am a sucker for a large porch. I bet the rotunda makes for a great breakfast nook where you can relax and start your day. The house is located at 801 Bowles Avenue, Fenton, Missouri. It has three bedrooms, two bathrooms and is just over 2,600 square feet. The owners are asking $524,900. It sits on three-quarters of an acre.

The foyer is welcoming and you can tell that the folks who live here have really put their personality into the home.

The family room is nice. Who doesn’t love a pool table? The colors give off that ’80s vibe.

Well, now, okay, that is a little different. I will be honest, the OCD in me wants to straighten that out. I guess the listing agent was thinking of a modern art museum when she wrote the description.

Wowsers.

Words escape me.

So two things are now clear. These folks really, obsessively even, love decorative tile and the unevenness is on purpose. The ceiling in the kitchen is triggering.

I have spent way too much time trying to find a pattern or design. I found none but have managed to lose a little of my sanity.

The fish wine rack is pretty cool. I am sure it gets used a lot because it is the only way I could get through a meal with Ferd and one-half of the mannequin man staring at me as I eat. Typically I enjoy the out-of-the-ordinary decor, but this is a lot to process.

The funhouse theme continues upstairs in the bedrooms. I will be honest, the unevenness around the windows and doors makes me nuttier than all the tiles. After a while my eyes stopped focusing on the tile but this …

It dawns on me that the museum the listing agent was possibly referring to was a funhouse museum. Just like a funhouse, it looks fine on the outside, and then bam, mind scramblies. Mind scramblies!

For more photos go here.