The One We Can’t Say In the Headline Because Uh, Yeah …

So, hi. I hope you aren’t currently eating your breakfast, because I couldn’t put what today’s Wednesday WTF was about in the headline because, well, it’ll put you off your feed entirely.

You see, this week’s story comes from (as many of the best WTFs do) Florida, where a couple bought a luxury vacation home in West Palm Beach that they can’t even use. “Why?” you ask?

Well, it seems they have a bit of a bird problem. Now, true story, I think you all should know that birds may have everyone thinking they’re sweet and sometimes help cartoon princesses make ballgowns, but many birds are mean and evil and scary.

One time a bird dropped a dead rabbit on my car while I was at a stoplight at Abrams and East Lovers Lane, and I wasn’t sure if it was like, “Here, you look hungry, here’s my lunch,” or if it was more, “This is a warning, lady.”

I mean, sometimes they even show no fear.

“A New York couple’s luxurious vacation house in Florida has been taken over by dozens of black vultures that are vomiting and defecating everywhere,” this Associated Press story starts out.

The family said the few times they’ve visited their new house at the Ibis Golf and Country Club, they were pecked by the vultures when trying to get from their car to the house.

A neighbor has an even more horrifying story, because the vultures got into her pool enclosure and couldn’t figure out how to get out.

“Imagine 20 vultures trapped, biting each other — and they can bite through bones,” she said. “They would bang against my windows running away from a bird that was attacking them. Blood was everywhere. It was a vile, vicious, traumatic event. And it was Memorial Day, so no company I called would come out to help me.”

Folks in the neighborhood say a neighbor is excessively feeding the wildlife, putting out bags of dog food and roasted chickens for the vultures. They also can’t do too much about it, because the vultures are migratory birds and are protected by federal law.