Helloooo 2023!!! Wooo!!! Welcome to another year of wacky House Porn. Yeah, baby, it is going to be a good year. I know this with so much certainty because the very first house I came across when I started looking for one to write about was a beachfront home with plenty of boobies on display.
Serendipity baby, serendipity.
Now, it is not going to be an easy, cheap thrill for you. I am warning you in advance that these homeowners are going to make you work at finding those boobies because there is so much other stuff in the beachfront house. I mean, like a lot, a lot.
This lovely palm tree-covered beachfront home is located at 175 Ocean Shore Blvd, Ormond Beach, Florida. This four-bedroom, three-and-a-half bathroom house has 12,414 square feet and sits on a little more than an acre. The asking price is a cool $5.99 million.
Beachfront Home Has Nothing on Decor Selection
I thought I would start you guys off easy. This is the entry to the beachfront home. Yeah, soak it all in, baby. I never thought I would say such a thing, but the teal carpeting is actually a relief to my eyeballs.
This house reminds me of the “Can You Find It?” game they used to publish in the newspaper when I was little. You had to search for funny objects amidst a bunch of other stuff.
A quick note about those chairs. Those are the kind of chairs that look all artsy fartsy in the showroom but once they are in the house it just tells your guests that you are perfectly fine with them getting stabbed in da butt with those antlers.
There is just so much more than boobies you can find in these pictures. So much, as a matter of fact, that you can actually forget that past the lion, the bear, the monkey chugging a bottle of hooch, the mermaid, more furniture meant to hurt your tuchus and let us not overlook the galvanized steel trash can, is an incredible view of the ocean.
But this column is about finding the boobies, you know, serendipity and all that.
My math skills are simply not good enough to calculate the number of boobies you will see while in this bathroom. Along the walls, in the ceiling, in the reflections bouncing off each other, and so on. It will be exponential boobie sightings.
I am going to tell you something sweetie, serendipity has absolutely nothing to do with that bathroom.
Okay, I thought I would end this column by being nice and showing you a bathroom where it would be super easy to count boobies.
So there you go my people, welcome to 2023. My wish is that you all have a safe and prosperous New Year. Helloooo!!!
To see more photos go here.
