There is a funny story behind this week’s column. The featured listing was sent to me by three different people.
The first was from our illustrious Publisher Candy Evans. She simply texted me the link. I looked at the first photo, which had flamingos painted on the garage door. If I had a garage door it would most definitely have flamingos painted on there in all their glory.
The second was from my equally illustrious Executive Editor Joanna England. She said the house was lovely as long as everything got scraped off the walls. So I looked at two or three interior photos and was in basic agreement with her.
Then an old friend of mine, who is a stitch in her own right, sent me this listing. Her accompanying note was much more direct. “Mimi! They have paintings of people doing it hanging on the wall. House porn, house porn, house porn! Porn! And hey, didn’t your Mom have that same mirror?”
For all of you taking notes, that is how you get my attention.
Naturally, I looked at all the pictures this time and I was not disappointed. People are ahh-mazing.
Is that not the most fun garage door with the ever-fun flamingos and a giant peacock? This is the PG-13 portion of this home located at 1887 East Viking Road, Las Vegas, Nevada. The home has three bedrooms, two-and-a-half baths, and has 2,294 square feet. The owners are asking $509,888.
Odd lighting choice aside, there is a lot of stuff to scrape off the walls. I want someone to explain to me how you light that candle. I will say, they do like Christmas. Onto the dining room.
That is an awfully big face with a unibrow and a huge nose staring at you as you eat. It reminds me of the chrome guy in The Terminator. And yeah, I have no idea what that deer is staring at so intently.
But that is not what has gotten you to this point in the column. There is a bit of foreshadowing in the kitchen.
Bottom left hand side of the photo is a wine bottle holder. Yeah, let us agree that is what that is. Let us also say, “What the what?” I have seen a lot of bottle holders in my time but this one made me twitch in my seat. Who thought of sticking a bottle of wine through a statue’s butt and out his front? Why? I digress.
OK, first things first. My Mom had the same mirror that is hanging on the left. The sucker weighed a ton. She did not have the naked chrome mannequin in front of it.
Now, while you are looking left, look a little further. There you will find “House porn, house porn, house porn! Porn!” that my friend pointed out to me. Although it seems more like Terminator porn than human porn. Either way, they are in it to win it because those hands are firmly grasping that Terminator tuchus. Poor little gnomes having to see such things.
Here is one more photo. I present the master bath.
The statues are going for it as well. And with that my peoples, I only have one thing left to say.
For more photos go here.
