Okay guys and gals, we are just going to get straight to the point with this week’s column. It is going to be a drinking game.
It is still 521 degrees outside. We are all stuck in our homes except for the brief times when we have to go to the liquor store to restock at which point the sweat just pours out of us like lava until we are left like shriveled little raisins.
Now the other reason for said drinking game is because the owners of this home have to bend the ol’ elbow to include some many wagon wheels in their decor choices as well as asking $1.2 million for a one-bedroom, one-bathroom home. For that amount of money, I better have more bathrooms than butts in my house. My faithful readers know how I feel about having just one bathroom.
This charming 1,700-square-foot home is located at 1761 Ridge Road, Caryville, Tennessee. It sits on a 1.17-acre lot with all the charms that Tennessee has to offer. As you will see, those charms include an inordinate amount of wagon wheels. So fill up those glasses and let us commence with the drink for every wagon wheel we spot in the house.
I thought I would start you off with an easy one. Everyone takes a drink for the wagon wheel located behind the rather buff statue of a Native American. Hubba hubba.
I count two wagon wheels and all the kitschy crap you would ever want to find at an Arizona tourist trap. That is two drinks for those who are distracted by the fact that the “bedroom” is also the living room. You can have a drink for a loosely defined living space if you want.
I thought I would give you all a better look at all the stuff in this room while you refill your glasses. You have the necessary longhorn skull, plenty of jagged rocks to keep your toes permanently stubbed and shins scraped and a “Live, Laugh, Love” frame on the side table. I do believe that is what is called hitting the trifecta.
Moving on.
This is a minimum of six drinks. You have the four chairs, the wagon wheel on the stairs — which, to be fair, we should add another drink because there is another wagon wheel on the other side — and then the table itself is a wagon wheel. Unless you are Ben Cartwright and you live on The Ponderosa there is absolutely no reason to have so many wagon wheels. Fill’em up!
We get a reprieve in the lone bathroom but we are denied seeing the toilet seat. Dollars to donuts, it is in the form of a wagon wheel. Just sayin’.
I think we can all agree that there is simply a buttload of wagon wheels. The spider webs and dust hanging off the ceiling fan add, what is the word, ambiance? This ends the game. It is best to stop now unless we end up like this guy.
For more photos go here.
