In the Clint Eastwood classic, Magnum Force, Dirty Harry Callahan’s last line of the movie is, “A man’s got to know his limitations.” Well, that expression is never truer than when you are a homeowner, and the idea of “Hey, we can do this ourselves” creeps into your mind.
When my husband and I bought our first home, that crazy thought entered our adorable little heads all the time. So much so that we thought we could install a new water heater ourselves.
We learned very quickly that home improvement projects are not to be trifled with in any form.
Turns out a 40-gallon water heater can not replace a 20-gallon water heater because that means you have to redo the closet where the new water heater was going to go. Once you get that worked out, the emergency valve does not line up with where the old emergency valve went and so on and so forth.
By the time we were done, my husband and I would have welcomed the sweet, sweet relief from Dirty Harry showing up with his .44 Magnum and just putting us out of our misery.
Which brings us to the listing in this week’s column. There is no doubt in my mind that if we had not learned our limitations from the water heater debacle, this is what our first house would have looked like.
This beauty located at 1633 SW Skyline Boulevard, Portland, Oregon is listed for $799,900 and has four bedrooms and three bathrooms. At almost 2,300 square feet, the house sits on almost half an acre.
Now I am a sucker for front porches. It is relaxing to sit outside and watch the world around you move along. This porch, however, is completely utilitarian.
Why, you ask? There are so many steps. You have three steps to get to the first deck. Then you have two more steps to get inside the house. If you want to go to the other side of the house you have to go down three more steps, then down two more steps. There is no need to buy exercise equipment. You can get your work out by just going up and down all these steps in front of your house.
Puzzling, right?
“Honey, do we really have to carry this AC condenser all the way to the backyard?”
“Why no sweetie, this is fine right here. We’ll make it work. We will just build some more steps and a nice 2×6 walkway in between all the steps.”
Have you noticed it yet? Allow me to give you another picture.
Yeah, that doorway with the steps reminds me of the scene from Blazing Saddles where the bad guys are on their way to destroy Rockridge but a toll booth is erected in the middle of the desert and they send someone back to get dimes to pay the toll instead of just going around.
That doorway is the equivalent of that tollbooth. You do not have to use the doorway to get to the raised area. You can take one big step. There is no doubt these people have the shapeliest legs on the planet.
The bathroom is truly a marvel. Who needs shelving from Ikea?
Just leave your framing exposed and voila, a built-in shelf that actually goes into the shower.
“Darling, it would be great if we could have some extra shelving in the bathroom.”
“I am already ahead of you babycakes. Hold my beer.”
The washer and dryer are hiding because they do not want to be seen in this house.
“Angel, it would be great if we had a laundry room.”
“No problemo love of my life. Let me get those partition doors we just took to the curb.”
It is not very often we get to see what could have been. Limitations folks, you have to know them or you just may end up like this at the end of your project.
To see more photos go here.
