“So babe, have you picked out a listing for this week’s column?”
“Yes, darling, I have.”
“What does the house look like, sweetie pie?”
“It smells like a bowling alley, love of my life.”
Yeah, that is how the conversation went in my home regarding the home featured in this week’s column. The conversation continued.
“Yeah, but what does the house look like, honey bunny?”
“It looks like it smells like a bowling alley, babycakes. If this listing was a scratch and sniff that sniff would be of a 1970s or 1980s bowling alley with no updates and a deadly combination of smells that are not limited to stale nacho cheese, sweaty feet, stinky farts, and sex parlor.”
“Rawrrrr, I just have to see this, my little babushka.”
See it he did and the poor guy just has not been right since. I know, I know, enough teasing.
The bowl-a-rama, I mean home, is located at 1814 Senter Ave., Burlington, Colorado. It has three bedrooms, two-and-a-half bathrooms, and more than 4,700 square feet.
What, you thought I would do all that build up and not deliver? If you want me to believe that you cannot smell this house then I say you are just being difficult.
“There is plenty of room for pool tables, a home theatre, or whatever other imaginable things you desire.” The only thing missing from this picture is the nacho cheese dispenser on the kitchen counter.
You will always remember what you had for dinner that night, two nights ago, two months ago because all those smells will be in that carpet.
One more picture of the kitchen, dining, and living rooms before we move on.
Now, if we have similar thought processes, you are at the point where you are wondering why in the name of everything good and holy did they go with retro bowling alley décor?
I could not make up this stuff if I tried.
I know what you are thinking now. “Hey, where’s the sex parlor part of this house? We were promised sex parlor!”
Okay, you dirty birdies, here you go.
Boom chicka wow wow!
Even the old guy taking the picture does not want to go in there. To use a bathroom like that, you better bring your A-game.
Now for those who have a fantasy about “getting it on” on top of one granny’s old quilts, well this house has two rooms, no waiting.
Just make sure you do not knock over granny’s walker as your passion takes over. What, you missed the walker? Go back to the first bedroom picture and look to the left. Yeah, there it is.
Okay, folks, I am going to wrap this up because I think we have hit the point where we have all seen enough to know that we have seen and smelled too much.
To see more photos click here.
