Many, many years ago I interviewed a “bro” who “built” an underground shelter. We will call him Jimbo. He had plenty of canned food, bottled water, and jerky. So. Much. Jerky.
His reasoning for building this underground shelter was so that when “the big one” happened he would have a place for him and his friends to be safe and repopulate the good ol’ U.S. of A. This interview took place in the early 1990s so I am not sure what “big one” Jimbo was afraid of but alas, I digress.
Now keep in mind, there were no creature comforts that would entice any woman to repopulate with Jimbo or any of his bros. He had basically buried a mobile home in his parent’s backyard. Needless to say, jerky was going to play a big role in his life if “the big one” did happen, if you know what I mean.
Naturally, when I came across the home featured in this week’s column I thought of Jimbo and his mountain of jerky. This underground shelter is the type of home Jimbo would have built if he were wealthy.
The Famous Las Vegas Underground House has five bedrooms and six bathrooms and is almost 17,000 square feet. All the astroturf you can handle along with fake trees and shrubs are located at 3970 Spencer Street, Las Vegas, Nevada. The owner is asking $5.9 million.
With a little more money in his budget, Jimbo undoubtedly would have put these creature comforts in his shelter to entice more of the ladies with his plans to repopulate.
Penis-shaped pool, baby. That is how you get the ladies. Radiation or penis-shaped pool? In Jimbo’s mind, the answer is an easy one.
What else would attract the ladies?
Ladies would love to cook for Jimbo in this pink-infused Barbie playhouse kitchen in the Las Vegas Underground House, complete with a fake view.
Jimbo knows the ladies love tacky stiletto chairs and Barbie-inspired kitchens.
Here comes the pièce de résistance.
Stripper pole!!! Whoooo!!! You will want to work off that built-up energy from rehydrating all that jerky.
When faced with radiation poisoning or living in theLas Vegas Underground House with a penis-shaped pool, a stripper pole, a stiletto chair, a Barbie kitchen, and an insane amount of jerky, well, the radiation does not seem like such a bad option. There is sunscreen after all.
For more photos, go here.
