I have reached a point in my life where some things are abundantly clear. The heatwave we are currently enduring does nothing positive for 55-year-old menopausal women. Our clubhouse is located in the dairy section of your local Sam’s. You will find us all just standing there finding sweet, sweet relief as the chillers blow ice-cold air.
It was during this reprieve from the hormone wave I am riding that I decided Wednesday WTF was going on the road to someplace cooler. So grab your passports because we are on our way to Australia.
I do not know about the rest of you, but my attitude is changing already. G’Day Mr. Firefighter!
Now the home featured in this week’s column teeters on the brink of gaudy but that can be forgiven because it is located outside of Melbourne.
The projected high for Melbourne is 60 degrees with a chance of afternoon showers. There will be a nice breeze blowing from the northwest at 12 mph.
Now, “pretentious” may be the first word that comes to mind when you are greeted by a statue of a lady playing harp, Dali the Surrealist Piano, and more than 50 custom-made pots, but the high is expected to be no more than 60 degrees.
This bastion of hormonal relief is located at Sassafras, Victoria, 3787 Australia. It has three bedrooms, three bathrooms and sits on more than half an acre. The price is not listed but I am sure it is less than what we will be paying for electricity this summer.
The kitchen comes with what I call one of those speed racer stoves with gold highlights reflecting off of everything. I find it all more than acceptable because the back of my thighs will not be sticking to those luscious hot pink chairs.
The word gaudy best not leave your lips to describe those royal purple velvet curtains and chairs. Do you know why? Rain is predicted for the afternoon. I could sit in those velvet chairs all day long and watch it rain. There are no chairs to sit in at the dairy section of a Sam’s.
Let me add, the Australian clubhouse comes with its own movie theater.
What better recliners to relax in while you wait for the rain shower to pass?
And when it stops raining, well, the backyard is simply hella-fabulous.
I can only imagine the freedom myself and my sisters in menopause would feel to be able to walk around outside as a nice northwesterly breeze blows through our hair.
Until we can achieve this level of nirvana, my sisters, we need to stay strong. I will meet you at our clubhouse.
For more photos go here.
