Every so often, I will come across a home for the Wednesday WTF that is so, uh, WTF-y that I will drag colleagues into the mess, and inevitably, someone will say it’s “greatness.”
Now, usually, it’s our executive editor, Joanna England. But in the case of this Soddy Daisy, Tennessee, abode, it was the boss lady herself — Candy Evans.
So first, let me explain. I found this house because apparently once you take the mantle of “WTF Person” here, you become a magnet for all the weirdness that the real estate world can provide.
From the outside, it looks like a pretty typical 1970s brick-clad home with a decent porch. A pan out uncovers a worrisome tarp over a section of the roof, as well as a tarp over an outbuilding, but not to go all Joanna England on you, look at the lot — appears to be nestled among mountains and could provide some pretty sweet (and quiet) views.
However … at some point you have to go inside the house. A house with so many mirrors. So many. And a lot of carpet with a lot of shudder-inducing stains.
Candy: “Sex house?”
Yeah, we’re going there (but not, because dude, full-body condom).
So, at this point in the conversation, I admit to both Candy and Joanna that I haven’t even looked at the rest of the house because I got stuck on the primary suite and its weird, probably-a-porn-set en suite bathroom.
Me: “Am I on crack, or does this primary suite have two hot tubs?”
Joanna: “Well, one is a soaking tub, and one is a jetted hot tub. And there’s a freestanding bidet and a toilet with no visual barrier.”
Candy: “The tile is worth $250K!”
Me: “But it needs to be burned with fire because they don’t make disinfectant strong enough to kill the super herpes left there.”
Candy: “We need Torch.”
Me: “I can’t figure out what this tufted thing is. Is it a mattress in case you get tired of all the bathing?”
Joanna: “It’s right next to the sauna, so maybe it’s for laying down after you sweat out your demons?”
Me: “Is that ANOTHER tub in the shower?”
Joanna: “I think it is.”
Me: “I’m so confused. The vanity is next to the bidet and that weird corner shub. Is it supposed to be a whole Lady Corner?”
Joanna: “So many questions!”
Me: “And that is a platform surrounded by mirrors, a platform for your bed. Like, a stage. I AM SO GOOD AT BED ACTIVITIES THAT I WILL BUILD MYSELF A STAGE.”
Joanna: “LOL”
Me: “That house is in east BFE Tennessee and has three places to hose off in one room. That place has seen some stuff. Needless to say, it’s this week’s WTF.”
Candy: “This is greatness.”
Is it greatness? Does it need a torch? What’s with all the mirrors? Please, by all means, weigh in on the sheer volume of bathing opportunities in this house.
Want to see more of this “greatness?” Here you go.
