I have a really good friend with whom I share everything. Now, mostly what I share are things I know we both find distasteful. Her reaction is always the same, “I don’t want to see this.” So whenever I come across something that I know we will both consider unsettling, she is on the receiving end. It is part of the code: “If I see it, you have to see it.”
Well, I think we, meaning you, the delightful reader, and I, the delightful writer, have reached that point in our relationship. Sweet, right?
I digress.
Now the first house you absolutely must see since we have gone to the next level of friendship is the home featured in this week’s Wednesday WTF column.
To describe this house accurately, we have to go to the old adage, “hurt people hurt people.” That has to be what happened to the person who designed, decorated, and lived in this house. I can only assume that they are better now and that is why they want to get the heck out of there.
In what has to be one of the most dramatic listing photos ever taken, this five-bedroom, four-and-a-half-bathroom home can be found at 720 California Avenue, Reno, Nevada. The 5,656-square-foot home sits on a quarter of an acre and the owner is asking $1.195 million.
Use whatever words you need to describe the entry and kitchen but they better include the words “pain” and “hurt.” One slip with all that rock and you can kiss your knees or hips goodbye. I am not talking about some sweet little peck. The same goes for the kitchen cabinets. I have never seen cabinets with so much protective armor.
Dollars to donuts that toilet is made out of stone as is the toilet seat.
If the hurt was only in this bathroom. Brace.
Now I am by no means a real estate savant, but I truly do not believe that seeing yourself drop a deuce from every angle and in different levels of mirrors is at the top of anyone’s must-have list when they are shopping for a new home. But wait …
Only a sadist would make it seem like a maze to get to the commode. At a time when you need focus, you are dealing with a maze. This tells me that everything in this house was meant to exact the appropriate amount of discomfort to everyone who crossed the threshold.
Aside from the Game of Thrones cabinets and brain-pain bathrooms, the laundry room excises the maximum amount of pain.
Utter madness! The washer and dryer could be next to each other. There is more than enough room. They are supposed to be next to each other. But noooooo. You have to pull the laundry out of the washer and walk it over to the dryer. You better be careful because with that small step up you could twist your ankle if you place your foot wrong. Seeing this Reno home’s laundry setup has brought about the most visceral reaction I have ever felt since I started writing Wednesday WTF. What lunatic keeps their machines apart?
So there you go. Friendship level achieved. The only question left to answer is what bar are we going to in order to drink the hurt away?
For more photos go here.
