Everyone has their own place of zen in this world. For some, it’s the mountains. For others, it’s an ocean. For some, it’s punching people in the face (true story). For me, it’s the dulcet tones of Oprah Winfrey’s speaking voice.
I mean, she could explain the proper way to clean a toilet to me and I would listen raptly and my blood pressure would go down 500 points (just kidding, I know that would mean I would die, but this is the Wednesday WTF and we do hyperbole here like it’s our job because it is, in fact, our job).
Now, we’ve already discussed my love of island retreats — a love so abiding and deep that I have a subscription to Private Islands magazine despite being a journalist that will never make enough money to have a private island.
So when I read in Variety that Oprah had purchased a new fancy island retreat in Washington state, I needed to know more. Because Oprah AND islands? I am a fan of this kind of talk. I am picking up what you’re putting down.
Oprah’s New Island Retreat is called the Madroneagle Estate and is on Orcas Island, which is the largest of four islands that make up the San Juan Islands between Seattle and Vancouver.
The 43-acre spread includes waterfront acreage overlooking the islands East Sound.
And as you know, the quarters have to be fancy. And not just fancy fancy, but Oprah Fancy. I mean, Oprah so fancy she puts cashmere blankets under your seats for fun just because she likes cashmere blankets, so you know her houses have to be at a level of fancy nobody else can even dream of aspiring to.
She’s Oprah. I mean, are YOU Oprah? No. You are probably not.
But back to Madroneagle Estate, which has four bedrooms, three full and two half bathrooms and 7,303 square feet of living space that includes reclaimed wood and ironwork from the old Sears building in Chicago.
There’s also a 2,948 square-foot guest house with four bedrooms and three bathrooms. For reference, my house is almost 1,900 square feet and I have a 10×10 shed in the back, thereby solidifying the fact that I am not Oprah-level fancy.
Oh, but we’re not done with structures either. There’s also a tea house “under a canopy of trees overlooking the water.” And there’s also a woodworking studio/gym/yoga studio in a barn.
And if you’re thinking, “stop, stop, this is too much Oprah-level fancy,” I must disabuse you of this notion because guys it’s Oprah and of course there is more fancy.
“There’s also a secluded sauna, an Asian garden, private hiking trails, a pond and stream and, of course, more than half of a mile of picturesquely rugged, pebble-stone beach,” Variety says.
Picturesquely. Rugged. Pebble-stone. Beach.
I don’t even know for sure what that means but now I want it.
And this isn’t even Oprah’s only private island retreat because again, she’s Oprah. She also has almost 1,000 acres near Kula on the Hawaiian Island of Maui.
The home and land were listed for not quite $8.3 million.
