Who among us has had meltdowns trying to figure out how to correctly assemble a piece of IKEA furniture with your significant other?
Listen, I know how to put together a mean plate of Swedish meatballs at the IKEA food courts in Frisco and Grand Prairie. But unboxing and assembling a Bestå TV stand with a hex key … well, it is not in my wheelhouse.
That means the other person in the relationship is left trying to figure out the assembly instructions and finishing the project. That, and other home remodeling projects, can sometimes lead to caustic relationship problems, even divorce, according to a study by MyJobQuote.
MyJobQuote is a U.K.-based company that matches local contractors with customers in 30 home improvement categories. The company commissioned the relationship study, which surveyed 1,986 ex-couples and asked them whether home-improvement tasks had directly contributed to their divorce.
The issue of home renovation causing marital problems has been done to death. Various outlets, including Psychology Today, Reader’s Digest, Men’s Divorce, Family Handyman, Realtor.com, and others, have taken deep dives into this issue.
But MyJobQuote took it a step further, asking what specific tasks led to their disputes, and they listed 10.
Yes, No. 1 was assembling flat-pack furniture, the kind that, I admit, has confusing instructions. In total, 78 percent of ex-couples admitted they had argued about assembling furniture.
The study also found that 72 percent argued over interior designing, 67 percent fussed over unfinished exterior painting, and 58 percent squared off in kitchen sink plumbing. The rest of the top-10: unfinished floor sanding (54 percent), tiling bathroom floor (52 percent), unfinished plastering (46 percent), drywall hanging (35 percent), unfinished electrical wiring (24 percent), and garden fencing (22 percent).
“It’s often a test of control,” psychologist and wellbeing consultant Lee Chambers said in the report. “One side of a relationship is likely to drive the project forward, and this can lead to a feeling to a feeling of helplessness on the other side.
“Sometimes, the partner who wants to be in control can look to slow the project down, doing it ‘in their own time,’ once again causing resentment in the partner that wants to proceed.”
Drilling further down, the study also found that the main reason for arguing about home improvements was going over budget (81 percent). Other reasons: procrastination (77 percent), different tastes (71 percent), length of the project (45 percent), and unexpected event (34 percent).
Holly Hefton, an Oklahoma City family law lawyer, says in 20 years of practice, she can see all of these reasons — except an IKEA desk dispute — being presented in a divorce case.
“Some of these, like unfinished painting and procrastination, are very big triggers because the other party is probably nagging about other things like chores division, etc.,” she says.
“Division of duties with both parents working is a major issue. Going over budget could be part of a husband’s nagging, starting with overspending in other areas, not just home remodel.
“But I have never seen a divorce over an IKEA desk. I think there are more underlying problems in the relationship that these things ‘put the icing on the cake.’ “
We’re not Chip and Joanna Gaines, of course. But to preserve a relationship, I resort to buying fully assembled furniture and let my creative wife, the daughter of a builder, do the DIY thing.
That relationship really works.
